


No Bigger Than A Bumblebee

by anexcessoffeels (headbuttingbears)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crack, Gen, I'm Sorry, Tiny Character For No Reason, Unapologetic Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1814503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headbuttingbears/pseuds/anexcessoffeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba shook his tiny, tiny head and ignored her. "Anyway, I woke up and now here I am. Thumbefuckinglina."</p><p>"Thumbelino," Benson corrected him. She couldn't resist.</p><p>"Thanks so much, I really needed to be instructed on the proper declensions of fantasy names right now," he yelled at her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Bigger Than A Bumblebee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elithewho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elithewho/gifts).



> For Jenny, whose fault this is (as usual). "Barbanino"? Really?

Sergeant Olivia Benson had seen a lot of strange things in her career. Men eaten by tigers in Manhattan, sisters who were mothers and mothers who were grandmothers, rape factories disguised as frats. Lots of things. She didn't think of herself as jaded per se, just experienced. She had lots of experience.

Unfortunately none of it prepared her for what she saw the day she walked into ADA Barba's office and found him... Changed.

"Ah ha ha yeah let's get the staring over with," he said. Or yelled. He was very small, he had to yell now to be heard.

Benson approached his desk gingerly, squinting. Rollins was stuck in a gawk-blink-gawk-headshake-gawk loop back by the door.

"Dare I ask?" Benson said.

He covered his ears, scowling up at her. "Ow! My fucking ears!" He was very... Small. He was standing on his desk and he was very small.

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Laughing would be bad. "Sorry," she whispered. "Why... How..."

"I was doing some paperwork and I maybe drifted off - don't look at me like that, it's hot and the A/C is busted, I get sleepy when it's too warm - and then I woke up like this." 

"Oh, like a Kafka thing?" Rollins had gotten over her gawking and joined them at the desk. She stared back at them. "What? I read. Books."

Barba shook his tiny, tiny head and ignored her. "Anyway, I woke up and now here I am. Thumbefuckinglina."

"Thumbelino," Benson corrected him. She couldn't resist. He was so tiny and now he looked so angry. She wanted to pick him up and put him on her shoulder. Maybe she could manufacture a reason to do just that.

"Thanks so much, I  _really_  needed to be instructed on the proper declensions of fantasy names  _right now_ ," he said, puffing his chest out like an agitated parakeet.

"Awww," Rollins said. She at least had the grace to look immediately apologetic. "I'm going to- Yeah. Get something. From the car. Forever." 

Barba was muttering something, looking apoplectic.

Benson had to lean even closer, ear towards him, to make any of it out; none of it was repeatable. Just as Rollins closed the door, Benson's hair brushed him, or it would have counted as a brushing if he weren't three inches tall. It was more like a battering.

"Gah!" Barba said, flailing his tiny arms. "Fuck off! Nothing you have to say to me right now is important!"

"It's case-related?" She sat down in one of the chairs across from him, trying to project sympathy instead of morbid delight.  _Tiny suspenders_. 

"I don't care! Leave! Leave me alone to die here. On my desk." He sat down on the edge, little legs swinging dejectedly. "Liv, I can't stay like this. I'm not going to stay like this, right?"

"I'm sure it'll wear off," she whispered. "Whatever it is. Eventually." She saw more than heard him sigh.

"I'm supposed to be in court all day tomorrow," he said, holding his head in his hands. "What am I going to do?"

"Wellllll... You could always stand on my shoulder and tell me what to say. I could be your interpreter." She might have sounded too enthusiastic about the possibility.

His frown was  _profound_. His entire miniature body was frowning at her. "Stop looking so happy about this," he growled. It was like being growled at by a puppy. An incredibly small puppy. His diminutive size just made his anger adorable. 

She pressed a hand to her chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered. But what she really meant was  _awwwwwwww._

**Author's Note:**

> Title is - appropriately - from one of the songs from the Thumbelina movie, the score for which was written by Barry Manilow. Yeah, right?


End file.
